INTRODUCTION
This paper discusses the seven stages of the family life cycle described in our textbook. It is important to learn about the life cycle and its stages so that we can understand what is considered normal in many families and be able to compare those stages to our own. It would be helpful to all families, especially young ones, to know what other families go through so that they might see what their future could be, or make improvements and corrections, or confirm that they are on the right track. My family is in the last stage: the Retirement stage.
STAGE ONE
Establishing a family — For married couples, the honeymoon is over. For all couples, life is becoming routine. Each person is becoming accustomed to sharing with each other their home, their belongings, their expectations, their ideas, and their desires. Daily routines are established, chores are divided, living quarters are decorated, finances are discussed. These things are the basics of living as a family. Living as solo individuals is over. Dictionaries may describe a family as being parents and their children, but in fact children are not required to be considered a family. In my opinion, any two people can be a family. In fact, a family does not have to be a couple of adults; a single parent and a child can certainly be a family. The important thing about Stage One is that this is the stage in which committed relationships are cemented and considered permanent, and from this point on life proceeds together and not separately. Communication is extremely important at this stage. Ideally conversation orientation should be high. Conformity orientation must be established, preferably consensual. Each person should feel free to express their ideas and feelings, but civility and respect is paramount. Use affirming words. Spend quality time together. Bring home a little gift occasionally, and surprise each other with unrequested favors.
STAGE TWO
Enlarging a family — At some point after Stage One a family may add children. Now the family is no longer two people, but three or more. Welcome to Stage Two. Life becomes completely different in this stage. A new atmosphere develops. Home size and decorations may change. Children become the focus in the family. The roles of the couple become parental roles. Conversations change, and the children become the primary focus of nearly all conversations. Babies require constant attention, and communication between adults may become stressful. Conversations about how to raise the children may reveal philosophical differences that have not been discussed before. Cultural diversity may become more important and may require serious discussions. Marital satisfaction may decline. Romance is put on the back burner. Careers and career goals may change or even be put on hold. The number and types of household chores will change. Decisions about who stays home and who goes to work may have to be made. Since breadwinning is increasingly shared responsibility, childcare may have to be considered. Many negative events occurring in a short time may cause pileup to occur. But bundles of joy can also bring untold happiness to the family. If care is taken, conversations between the couple can be positive and encouraging. Having a tiny new life to be responsible for brings a whole new purpose for living.
STAGE THREE
Developing a family — Maintaining equity in the relationship may be difficult but is very important. Care must be taken to prevent one person in the family from carrying a heavier burden than the other. Time and effort are required of both parents, and companionship and romance cannot be overlooked. Ensuring that children’s identities are developed properly requires that parent-child relationships be developed and maintained by both parents and requires constant communication between parents. One parent should not dominate the other. Fathers must exert extra effort to create a loving father-child relationship or else the natural mother-child relationship will dominate, hurting both the father and the child. Housework needs to be shared, and time for leisure and breaks from childcare must be allocated to each parent. As the children grow older, both parents must participate in the children’s activities such as school events, sporting events, taking the kids to school, picking them up, parent-teacher conferences, vacations, trips, and so forth. One parent should not have to do more than the other. Teach the children by example to show respect and consideration.
STAGE FOUR
Encouraging Independence — At this stage children have a desire and need to become more independent. A parent’s job is to make sure that the children are prepared to leave the nest someday and live on their own. This job takes patience and great care and requires parents to trust their children, but at the same time set clearly understood limits and boundaries. Parents should not feel hurt or angry that their children want to spend less time with them and more time elsewhere. If parents handle Stage Three properly, then Stage Four will be successful. Supervision is still required, but children must learn to handle freedom and the experience of making their own choices. To grow into healthy adults, children must learn responsibility and independence, a little at a time. One guideline to follow is don’t sweat the small stuff. Let the children make a few mistakes.
STAGE FIVE
Launching children — Most children reach this stage at some point. They will go to college or get married or just move out to live on their own. There are exceptions, of course, because some children have special needs and will not be able to live on their own. Some “boomerang” children will leave, come back, and leave again. Life can be very complex, and everyone must adapt when necessary. Some children have spent their whole lives learning and getting prepared to be “launched,” and hopefully they are ready. If they are successful, their parents should be proud that they handled Stage One through Stage Four correctly.
STAGE SIX
Postlaunching of children — If the day comes when all the children have left and the parents are alone again, the lives of the parents will be changed, perhaps drastically. The parents must learn, or remember, how to be a couple again. They once again have a lot of time for each other, and perhaps only each other, which can be wonderful or awful. Now there is time once again for romance if both partners want it. This might be a good time for a vacation or second honeymoon, or for renewing vows. These could be the happiest years of their lives. The couple might have to learn how to communicate with each other again, and how to enjoy each other again. Some couples just cannot cope with the change, and their relationship ends.
STAGE SEVEN
Retirement — This stage can be dramatic and traumatic. Or it could be wonderful. There is more time for activities, hobbies, volunteering, or travelling. There is more time for couples to spend together, perhaps too much time. Boredom could set in, and the stay-at-home spouse suddenly must change their daily routine and make time to baby-sit the retiring spouse. Surprise medical issues may arise. Grandchildren may have to move in and be raised by the grandparents. Once again, the couple may have to learn to communicate with each other. An important guideline is to make daily choices that enhance intimacy.
EVOLVING VALUES
In the next 15 years, I predict there will be fewer marriages and more partnerships. Same-sex couples may outnumber traditional married couples. There will be more mixed-race couples, and more cultural issues to deal with. There will be more couples choosing to live together without marriage. There will be more children with different fathers or different mothers living together as families, and very few children will live with both biological parents. More children will be raised by grandparents or other relatives. More children will not even know who their biological fathers are. There will be baby-daddies and baby-mamas instead of mothers and fathers. 20 years ago, it was shameful to have children out of wedlock. 15 years from now it will be extremely rare for children to live with their own parents. Also, I predict that there will be very few children who are not mixed-race, and the concept of mixed-race may even disappear. These predictions are based on my personal observations, news programs, social media revelations, and, perhaps strangely, hundreds of court-tv programs that I have watched.
References
Wood, Julia (2016). Interpersonal Communication: Everyday Encounters (8th ed.). Australia: Cengage Learning.