Reflection
An employee went to a supervisor to discuss a problem she was having with a coworker. The supervisor stopped what he was doing, and the employee began talking about what the coworker was doing wrong. She began describing the problem when the supervisor interrupted her and asked for the name of the coworker. The employee asked if she could please tell her story without interruption. He apologized and the employee continued. As she was speaking the supervisor picked up his cellphone and began looking at it. The employee asked the supervisor if he was listening. He put down the cellphone and apologized. She continued discussing the issue, and the supervisor appeared to be attentive again. A few seconds later the supervisor noticed a spider across the room. He interrupted the employee and asked if she saw it. She said yes and asked the supervisor to please listen to what she was saying. He apologized again, closed his laptop, made eye contact, and began paying attention again. As she was talking the supervisor yawned and put his hand over his mouth. Then he raised his arms, stretched, scratched his neck, and looked at something on his desk. The employee said she needed to find someone else who could help her and left the room.
Analyzing Situation
The employee had something important to discuss, but the supervisor would not give her his full attention and was easily distracted. He was physically receiving messages but had not made a decision to be mindful. His mind wandered off to other things such as his cellphone, a spider, things on his desk, and his own private thoughts. He did not communicate attention by responding to what she was saying, but responded inappropriately by interrupting her to ask for the name of the coworker. The supervisor seemed to be preoccupied with his own thoughts and concerns. The employee was trying to logically describe the problem but had to repeatedly remind the supervisor to please listen. The supervisor made no attempt to listen actively.
Relating to Textbook
Adapt Listening Appropriately: When the supervisor realized that the employee had a serious problem to discuss, the supervisor should have begun listening for information, forcing himself to focus on content with a critical attitude. He should have realized that he needed to be mostly silent and very attentive.
Be Mindful: The supervisor did not choose to be wholly present in the moment. When his thoughts began to drift away, he should have immediately brought his focus back to the employee. He had no self-discipline and commitment to really listen to the employee.
Express Support: The employee needed the supervisor’s understanding and support but did not receive it. In fact, the employee felt ignored.
Minimal Encouragers: A few short occasional remarks from the supervisor, just to show that he was listening, would have been helpful.
Paraphrasing: The supervisor never reached a point at which he could restate the employee’s problem to show that he understood, because he never actually heard what the employee was saying.
Understand the Other Person’s Perspective: The supervisor never made any effort to understand the problem from the employee’s point of view. The problem was important to the employee, and the supervisor should have tried to understand.
Control Obstacles: The supervisor was too easily distracted by the spider, the cellphone, things on his desk, and his laptop. He should have been able to completely block those things out of his mind so that he could focus on the conversation.
Selective Listening: When the employee mentioned the word “coworker”, he immediately zeroed in on obtaining the name of the coworker. He decided that getting a name was the most important thing to do, and he did not hear anything else that was being said until the employee asked him to please let her finish her story.
Preoccupation: The supervisor was too busy thinking about his cellphone and his own concerns, so he could not hear what the employee was saying.
Lack of Effort: The supervisor was not willing to work at being mindful, to focus on what was being said, to grasp the meaning of the employee’s words, to ask appropriate questions, or to give appropriate responses. Those things take effort, and the supervisor did not make any effort.
Advice
When someone is describing a problem and asking for help, you should listen quietly and attentively, attempt to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and stay focused on what the person is saying. The person is putting their trust in you, and they deserve your attention, concern, and understanding. Even if you do not agree with what is being said, or even if you cannot solve the problem, you should listen with your ears, mind, and heart to what is being said anyway. You should not interrupt, or roll your eyes, or let your thoughts wander away, because the issue is important to the other person and they deserve to at least be heard.